Night Drive
by King Cheetah
Summary: Helga, Phoebe, and Sheena run wild their senior year in high school... until Arnold comes back to town looking for Helga. Smootchery and madcapped hijinx abound! rewritten and updated. I live for reviews!
1. Hurricane Girls

NIGHT DRIVE by King Cheetah

Sadly, none of these characters are mine, but thanks to Craig Bartlett for letting us play with them.  
Rated T for adult situations, language, and Sheena's huge boobs.

Lemme know whatcha think!

1 Hurricane Girls

It had all begun, as so many things had, at one of Rhonda's ubiquitous parties, in this instance, a post Homecoming dance bash (not to be confused with the PRE-Homecoming dance bash). Phoebe, Sheena and I made an entrance with all the subtlety of the Normandy Beach landing, and proceeded to dominate the proceedings.

Phoebe was dressed right, in leather mini-skirt, Doc Martin's, and her favorite "Angel On Probation" cutoff tee, while Sheena sported a hypnotic tube top over her prodigious bosom and jeans, her calf-length hair done into a lethal ponytail. I modestly wore one of my dad's "Beeper King" tees, cut sleeveless and "Queen" overwriting the "King". We were lookin' good and lookin' for trouble.

Mounting the stage, we bullied the band into a makeshift Karaoke machine, and proceeded to wail like banshees, much to the delight of the crowd below.

After three songs, I exited the stage to rustle up a drink, but Sheena and Pheobe still had a few tunes left in them. Working my way through the jubilant crowd, I spied the queen herself, and I gave her a little wave. Seeing me, Rhonda just shook her head slowly and gave me that "What Am I Going To Do With You" look.

In the rarefied air of the social ecosphere of the Senior class of P.S.218, Rhonda and I were equals, both enjoying a great deal of control over the hearts and minds of the senior class, and often worked in concert for a common goal. But our motivations and long term goals were different, and while she respected my clout, she didn't fear me (a tricky balance to maintain). Smiling innocently, I made a beeline for the keg table, made all the more difficult by the teen maelstrom that whirled around me.

As I extracted my beer of choice from the cooler, I saw Rhonda glide easily through the crowd towards me. "Y'know Pataki, I think I need to set a limit to the number of parties I let you guys wreck every month." she smiled, and grabbed herself a wine cooler from the ice. She was dressed magnificently in black and gold, accented bits of red and orange, looking like some earthbound goddess slumming in Hillwood.

"Stop serving Dos Equis, and we'll stop coming, it's as simple as that" I quipped, waving my lime wedge for emphasis. Despite her joking, Rhonda knew the sad and sorry truth; without the "Hurricane Girls", she had no party, and we certainly couldn't have that.

She leaned in for a whisper, "Stinky's suppose to stop in for a while tonight". I looked genuinely amazed. Puberty had been kind to almost all my grade school pals, but Stinky Peterson especially so. His tall, lanky frame filled out with VERY effective muscle mass, and his performance on the basketball court made him the darling of the entire Western Division. In spite of this, he was still a shy and gracious country boy who shunned the public eye. Getting him to attend one of her parties was another coupe for Rhonda in the dog-eat-dog world of society divas, and one that she would make sure that all the other bitches knew about.

"Great," I grinned, " I haven't seen him in months. I'll keep my eyes open." Moving off from Rhonda's orbit I caught sight of Sheena and Phoebe relinquishing control of the stage back to the band, and heading for the dance pit. It had taken us several months of ceaseless work, but Sheena and I finally got Pheobe to open up and start living her life like it desrved to be lived. My oldest friend, even as we entered high school she was a dictionary examlpe of the porndexter, which when we were in grade school was kind of cute, but by the tenth grade was just sad.

Despite my merry facade, my own troubles were starting to creep back into the front of my mind. Puberty had been generous to me as well, gracing me with a slim, curvy figure and modest (at least in comparison to Sheena) but pleasing bustline. By eighth grade, I had began a scorched-earth Champaign of academic excellence and no test or challenge could withstand my onslaught. With one small exception, my high school years were an unbroken sea of "A's". Big Bob and Miriam slowly began to take notice of my cranial prowess, and for a short time there was talk of the "Pataki Standard of Academic Excellence" in our new townhouse.

But as my stock within the clan Pataki rose, Olga's seem to decline, which I gleefully documented in my journals like Jane Goodall. More broken engagements, more squirrelly career decisions, and more capricious stunts, had all contributed to Olga's lose of the Golden Child championship belt, now worn by your's truly. Olga's all too frequent returns to the home of the beeper king were greeted more with dread and apprehension than anything else... which I found more than a little bit satisfying.

But with graduation fast approaching, a gentle heat was being applied to my backside to decide on an academic game plan. But crimeny, don't I deserve at least one more year of watching Olga fail before scholastic immersion? That's MORE than fair in my book. Lost in my own thoughts, I looked up just in time to spill my beer on.  
"Arnold!" I gasp as the better part of my Dos Equis ran down the legs of his jeans.

He recovered quickly from his hopps brewed baptism to joke, "You could have at least called me Football Head first, Helga!" As he brushed himself off, he winked at me and gave me that crooked little smile I hadn't seen in three years. My legs almost gave out under me as I sputtered a weak apology but I was living in the world of that smile and having a little trouble keeping up with current events.

With no time to react, he scooped me into his arms for the nicest hug in recorded history, "How've you been, hot stuff? I hear you rule the senior class." Releasing me from the hug (NO!) but not his grasp, he transfixed me with those crystal clear blue eyes and said, "Top Honor Student four years running. Planning on giving someone else a shot at it?"

At this point he could have unhinged his jaw and begun swallowing me whole and I wouldn't have protested. Seizing the initiative, I counterstruck with a bear hug and whispered in his ear, "You ninny, why didn't you tell me you were back in town!" and MY hug would not be so stingy.

By the sixth grade Arnold and I had settled into a (very) comfortable friendship and were a fixture at most functions in our grade; not boyfriend/girlfriend mind you, but a level of trust and intimacy that many married couples never pull off. After he and his parents moved down south, we still corresponded quite regularly, keeping each other up on each others day to day world... until last year.

Without another word, he grabbed my arm and guided me towards the edge of the crowd, all the while scouting a quiet spot where we could talk. As we reached the far edge of the pool, we heard a squeal, a crash, then a mighty whoop from the crowd followed by applause and demands of 'Again!'.

Arnold stopped for a moment, looking concerned.

"Don't worry. It's either Sheena or Phoebe, most probably the latter..." I smiled, and we continued to the solitude of the dark end of the backyard. 

Settling in behind the big oak next to the garage, I spun Arnold around towards me to get another look at him. Dear god in heaven, he's gorgeous! Remember what I said about the genetic lottery? When it came to getting good looks, Arnold showed up on Double-Helping Tuesdays. And while Stinky and Harold got the powerful builds of Greek Olympians, Arnold got the sleek grace and lines of a panther. His sandy blonde hair and liquid green eyes were twice as intense as I'd remembered, and he still knew just how to use them on me.

We stood silently gazing at one another for what seemed like a small eternity, when I decided to make my move. Closing my eyes, I moved forward on my tip toes for a kiss.

"Helga, I have a confession to make..." he said softly.

NO! NOOOOO! DON'T BE GAY! PLEEEEEAASE, I'M BEGGING YOU! Nightmare images of Arnold and Eugene shopping for furniture filled my head.

"I, um... I came to the party tonight looking for you."

I opened my eyes. That smile and those green eyes were the only thing that existed for me.

"Why did you stop writing, Helga?" he asked with just the slightest hint of hurt in his voice.

Gulping hard, I fought to find the words. "I...I..."

Why is it lightning never strikes you when you need it to?

"I didn't think I'd ever see you again...and..."

He raised an eyebrow "And?" I fought for composure.

"And I thought it was unfair to hold you back. I...I didn't think a long distance relationship was..."

possible

"...healthy." I lied.

He shifted a from foot to foot, then finally just sat down in the grass. "Y'know...I was doing okay until you stopped writing..."

Off in the distance, another crash, more whooping. Defiantly Phoebe.

"For years, I thought we were just really close friends, and y'know I thought I was good with that... but... but when I lost that little bit of contact I still had with you...well, I... I found out that I really needed that. That little part of you still in my life."

I sat down beside him, snuggling in close and met his gaze. My second attempt at the kiss met with more success and no protest. His lips were firm and eager, yet velvety soft. Placing my hand on his cheek, I played the tongue card, and was dizzied by the sensation. We had kissed in the past, that sort of curious exploration kids indulge in... but it had never been anything like this. Breaking our lip lock and I pushed back from him slightly, the two of us wheezing like marathon runners.

"I'm SO sorry... I... I never mean to hurt you! I..." I managed to whisper.

He pulled me back to him and again my head was swimming. I was so totally unprepared for this encounter, but so ready for it!

Arnold was right about one thing though; as much as it had hurt to cut him loose, seeing him again just reinforced the dull ache I'd felt without him.

"We need to talk. You wanna take off?" He struggled to his feet, then helped me up. "Hold on" I said and made my way back towards the heart of the crowd. Finally spotting Phoebe, I inched my way towards her. Drink in hand, she regaled a small crowd with the story of how we broke up the carjacking ring, a true story, but over exaggerated with time.

It took me a second to realize that she was wearing someone else's shirt... and someone else's pants. Pretending that I didn't notice, I pulled her aside. "I'm taking off, have Sheena drive you home." She spied Arnold standing behind me, then looked back to me, then Arnold, then me.

"Should we wait up?" she cooed and hit me with the naughty girl eyes.

"No..." I handed her my car keys, "And I'll be expecting a full tank when I get back, dig?"

Phoebe made no attempt to hide an ear to ear grin and replied "Bwanna bwanna, Mem Sahib!"

Sheena appeared just in time to see Arnold snake his arm around my waist and tuck his hand into my back pocket. "She keeps her cash in her front pocket, dude. You'll never make it out of pick-pocket school!" she grinned.

Arnold shot her a smile that was rightfully mine (grrrrr) and we headed out to the parking lot to find his car.

To Be Continued...

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The hook of this story is based on the idea that who you are in grade school, is not necessarily the same as who you are in high school. Puberty tends to change people, in more ways than you think. I also have future plans for the Hurricane Girls; Helga, Sheena and Phoebe. Hope you like em! 


	2. Sittin' inna Tree

NIGHT DRIVE by King Cheetah

None of these characters are mine, darnit! Craig Bartlett should be proud of his creation.

2 Sittin' inna Tree

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Surprisingly, Arnold's car was an old 95 Ford Mustang GT, none the worse for wear, but emerald green and clean as a whistle. As we tore down the interstate, headed to nowhere in particular, we filled each other in on the last year. More correctly, he talked and I made eyes at him.

He described his grandmother's funeral, filled me in on his parent's doings, and the latest of his own school gossip from down the coast. For my part, I had little to offer in return, as not a whole lot had changed for me since my last letters to him. I recounted the "incident" of Phoebe, Sheena and myself at the pep rally, but as this had made the national news wire, there wasn't too much he didn't know. After a bit, what we WEREN'T saying to each other was more note worthy than what we were.

I decided to press my luck.

"So... you, um... haven't said a whole lot about your friends other than Erik and Hoss. Any girls in your life? You have a girlfriend?"

As soon as the words left my mouth, I regretted them. Doi! If he had a girlfriend he wouldn't be necking with you, stupid! At least, I hope he wouldn't...

"Um,no... no I don't. Haven't in a while, actually." His eyes never left the road. "Uh, look Helga, I came up here under the pretext of checking out potential colleges to attend..."

I chose my words carefully, "Pretext?" I said, cocking an eyebrow.

"Yeah. Hold on a sec, we need gas." he sighed, still not looking at me.

Pulling off into a Citgo station, Arnold tended to the car as I took the opportunity to stretch my legs. 9:35 PM! Holy shit, we've been driving nearly two hours! I walked slowly around to his side of the car, and ran my hand along his arm as he pumped gas. Without warning, he hit me with those eyes again only now they were the picture of sadness.

"Helga..." he said softly, "I... I'm... oh shit, this was such a mistake!"

Finishing up with the pump, he turned to face me. "Look, I'm sorry. Coming up here was really selfish of me. I didn't once think what this might do to your life, just what I wanted in mine! I... I just... I just needed to KNOW, okay? I needed some closure on this. On us! Even if you never wanted to see me again, I just had to know where I stood with you."

Panting, he just looked at me, waiting.

For my part I wasn't sure what to say. All of the sudden, it was as if I'd been clubbed with a baby seal. I couldn't seem to organize my thoughts, and my throat had seized up. 'You came all the way up here for ME!' I wanted to shout, but I couldn't make words happen. I just stood there mouth going up and down as I attempted limp hand gestures.

Sadly, this all wasn't preparation for casting the "Make Everything Better" spell, and before I even realized it, I was crying, sobbing uncontrollably, to be more specific. In frustration I threw myself on him in another bear hug and managed to croak out "Y-you stupid... football head..." between sobs.

I couldn't stop crying and I couldn't figure out why. His guilt, magnified by my own had reduced me to a blubbering wreck. Cradling me in his arms, he did his best to help pull me together. After a humiliating eternity, I was able to sputter out "I... I w-want..." He soothed me. "Yes, what do you want, baby?"

Sniffling and wiping away my tears, I said "Pie. I w-want some pie." I was rewarded with a bewildered look, then the smile, and that helped a lot.

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The Denny's on the edge of town was a tad run down, but seemingly always filled to capacity. The mass of contented diners gave this old place an energy and vibrancy that I desperately needed right now. There was a feeling of life and a low buzz of pleasant conversation.

Taking it all in, I was able to regain my internal balance. Our very gay waiter, "Chester" was both courteous and genuinely funny and almost single-handed made up for the rest of the evening. Arnold was just about to take Chester up on his suggestion of strawberry pie when I chimed in.

"I'm REALLY allergic to strawberries." and gave Arnold the 'you-should-know-that' look and smiled, "How's the apple?"

With a flourish of his pen and a wink he said, "Probably not as sweet as you, but why don't you give it a shot, hmmm?"

Oh, he's earned himself SUCH a tip!

I turned my attention back to the only smile that mattered. Arnold fiddled with his iced tea, attempting some manner of lemon/sugar alchemy, then looked back up at me.

"I meant what I said, Helga. I'm not here to interfere. If you want me to stay out of your life, I'll... understand."

I narrowed my eyes at him, "Crimenies, why're you being SO dense? Do I have to come right out and say it!"

Standing, I addressed the restaurant, "Attention please, let it be known that I, Helga G. Pataki do humbly request the privilege of becoming Arnold's love slave. I solemnly swear to unselfishly devote my life to his unending happiness and pleasure. Thank you."

I was bemused to see Arnold making his freakout face, which I'd only seen twice before in my life (one of which was when I was driving). With the cool aplomb of Don Knotts, he stood up to counter my announcement. "She's kidding, she's just kidding folks..."

As the chuckling died down I shot him my best shit-eating grin.

With the pie and coffee disposed of, we made ready to leave. Chester appeared out of nowhere "Will this be separate checks, or are you covering your slave as well?"

Grinning, I said, "Oh don't you worry, I'll be paying for that pie later!" Arnold just looked mildly annoyed. Ripping the check from his pad Chester smiled, "You're a very lucky young lady."

The statement caught me off guard.

"Yes" I said, slipping my arm around Arnold's waist, "Yes I am."

As Arnold paid up I left a ten spot on the table for Chester. Settling into the car I couldn't stop smiling. He looked at me quizzically. "What?" he asked. I leaned over and kissed him. "Thanks for coming back for me" I whispered. He stroked the back of my neck with his hand and said "Thanks for being here."

Back out on the highway, we drove on in silence. Holding hands when we could, and kissing at the stoplights, I was slowly getting VERY used to this new situation. We'd always just been tight friends, like me and Phoebe, and I trusted Arnold, no more importantly I respected him. I guess we were both so happy with the way things were, that neither of us made a move to change it. But now... Now that I see him again, now that I've tasted life without him... well, there's no going back.

Back on the edge of town, we pulled into a motel parking lot. I raised an eyebrow as he set the parking brake. "This is where I'm staying while I'm in town. Mind if I pop in and check my messages?" I was both relieved and disappointed to hear this. The thought of the two of us together in the shower held a certain appeal.

"Sure," I said, " I need to use the little honor student's room anyway." His room was as neat as I'd come to expect from him, and he motioned me towards the bathroom as he dialed up his messages. Finishing up my business, I took stock myself in the big mirror.

Rumpled hair and clothes, sweat from the party, and my breath reeked of beer and pie. Perfect, just the image I wanted to present to the man I'd assassinate a world leader for.

Taking a few deep breaths, I vowed to press on.

There is not a single moment in my adult life that can compare to the disappointment I felt at seeing Arnold still fully dressed as I opened the bathroom door.

He had just finished up on the phone as I approached him.

"Well," he sighed, "Guess we better get you back home. Ready to go?"

Without a word I planted a hand in the center of his chest and pushed him backwards onto the bed.

"Stopping off to check your messages..." as I put my hands on my hips.

"You're just lucky I'm sophisticated..." as I pulled my shirt off.

"... Worldly..." as I leapt on top of him.

"...A woman who could see through such a flimsy stunt!"

I held his hands down on bed and got him in a lip lock. Panting between kisses he smiled and managed to wheezed "So, should I call you a cab?" Straddling him, I reached behind my back and undid my bra clasp. Shaking it loose from my shoulders, I reached down to caress his cheek.

"Shut up, football head..." I whispered and kissed him.

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This is roughly based on my own experiences. I had a schoolgirl pal that I was close with, but nothing special between us. A few years down the road, we hooked up again and sparks flew. The separation was good for Arnold and Helga in that it gave them a chance to grow as individuals without the social pressures they would face as a couple. 


	3. Stupid For You

NIGHT DRIVE by King Cheetah

Wouldn't you know it, none of these characters are mine, but thanks to Craig Bartlett for letting us play with them.  
Rated R for adult situations and language. Lemme know whatcha think!

3 Stupid For You

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You know all that crap you hear about the difference between "having sex" and "making love"?

Well it's true... ALL of it.

Arnold and I made love for hours in his motel room, stopping only for two bathroom breaks and a quick call to lie to my parents.

"A Flying Sauser?" growled Big Bob. "Well keep your eyes open, you just never know. And if the TV News shows up, make sure they get a shot at the Beeper King t-shirt, I paid good money for those. What? Ah, alright. Your mother wants you to pick up some Tabasco. Eh, okay, don't stay out too late."

Lying in Arnold's arms, I glanced over at the clock. 1:07 AM.  
Hmmmm... I really needed to get home. As the favored Pataki spawn I was given a certain amount of freedom, but only to a point. No amount of perfect grades would smooth over spending the night with Arnold. Oh God, how I wanted to! We never actually managed to make it under the sheets, but the thought of spooning with Arnold, his smooth, easy breathing lulling me to sleep.

"I need to get home" I sighed.

Hugging me closer, he growled "No slave, I forbid it."

Giggling, I rolled him on top of me again, then just looked into his delicious green eyes, "What happens now?" I sighed

He looked confused "Well, pretty much more of the same as up to now, unless you want to try that one thing I read about..." I couldn't help but guffaw.

"No, you loon... what about... us? What about the two of us?" and I ran a lazy finger along his cheeck.

Oops, got the sad face again.

He sighed and began to get up, "I don't have to head home til Sunday. LATE Sunday" He smiled.

I mulled over the possibilities. He only lived an hour and a half down the coast. Graduation was in two months, so the possible summer options loomed large. This was looking better and better.

Slowly, languidly, we got cleaned up and dressed. I opted against a shower. Coming home sweaty and smelly would be expected; coming home clean would only... raise questions. Big Bob knows me all TOO well.

I stood before the bathroom mirror brushing out my hair when Arnold walked up behind me and slid his arms around my waist. Pulling me back against his body, I could feel his heartbeat. Head on my shoulder, he admired our shared reflection. "Not bad. Handsome couple if I do say so myself." I slowly placed my hand on his cheek and closed my eyes.

Savor this moment girl, it's gotta last you a few months.

Tightening his grip, Arnold whispered in my ear "I love you, Helga..."

As my vision began to clear, I saw a frantic Arnold looking down at me.

"Are you alright?" He was almost beside himself. I tried to clear my head, with little success, and what was this ringing in my ears?

"W-what happened?" I asked.

Appearantly I'd passed out. The four words I so desperatly wanted to hear as a girl, had kicked the legs out from under me. I smiled weakly, and struggled to my feet. "Let's get going..."

Reluctantly, I awoke at noon, on Saturday morning.

I awoke from dreams of him and us and me without him. Owie! And I awoke to a not all together unpleasant soreness. Squeezing my legs together and I relived every moment of the previous evening. Arnold and I'd arranged to meet for dinner at 6, so I had the afternoon to play catch-up with what Phoebe, Sheena and whatever I'd had planned for the day. I reached for my Palm Pilot just as the phone rang.

"H'lo, Helga Pataki here." I heard muffled voices and giggling on the line, then finally "Say-hey naughty-girl! When'd you get in?" Sheena, no doubt Phoebe in the background.

"I was in bed by 10:00 PM" I smiled.

"No..." countered Sheena, "When'd you get home?"

"Oh, why didn't you say so. 2:00 AM." I said as squeels of delight erupted on the other end of the phone. Todays schedule flashed on the little screen.

Ah yes, the Charity Carwash.

The chant of "Details, Details, Details..." issued from the receiver.

"Okay ladies, we got Mr. Simmon's carwash deal today. Dress to kill and get over here." Three deep breaths and I was ready to face the day.

Well, not really. Everything, and I do mean EVERYTHING reminded me of Arnold. Showering took WAY longer than it should have (no complaints, I'm just sayin'...), and I'd just pulled on my "daisey dukes" when I heard Sheena and Phoebe taking the stairs two at a time. Barrackading the door, they stood grinning, waiting for me to explain.

When I'd said 'dress to kill' I was afraid Phoebe might actually show up dressed as a ninja again, but her choice of outfit was quite cute. Her black tubetop and bike pants showed off her figure to good effect, while Sheena followed my lead with cutoff shorts and the smallest bikini top allowable under state law.

They looked expectantly at me.

I shruged "Sorry, he made me sign a non-disclosure aggreement."

We were about an hour into the carwash when Arnold showed up. Mr. Simmons had to lay down for a while upon seeing Sheena's... outfit, so we set about our usual routine. A rotating schedule of washing, sign waving and dancing in the parking lot kept us busy without the tedium of any one task.

Just as we were about to start our Bananarama dance routine, I caught sight of a now familiar emerald green Mustang. Eugene filled in for me in the dance line and I sauntered over to Arnold's car. Leaning into the driverside window I got the smile I'd been wanting since I woke up, "The restraining order said 50 yards away. Don't make me call a cop." I laughed.

He flipped off his aviator shades and cooly asked "Now, do you just dance for free or do I have to slip dollars into your shorts?"

Smiling slyly, I stepped back and began grinding my pelvis seductively at him.

"Oh my word, Helga what are you doing!" I spun around in time to see Mr. Simmons approaching, appearantly having recovered from "Sheena-shock". Wide eyed, I stammered "Gah, M-Mr. Simmons! You're back. eh-heh. Y-you remember Arnold! eh-heh..."

"Oh my... Arnold is that really you! It's so good to see one of my star pupils again!" He beamed. Taking the hint, Arnold engaged our old teacher in a long recap of his high school years down south.

Their reveries gave me the much needed opportunity to slink back to the tasks at hand. "Okay people..." I grab bucket and brush, "Let's get cleaning!"

The carwash lasted an agonizing three more hours, but Arnold parked off to one side and waited for me. After about an hour, he joined us in all tasks, much to the delight of Mr. Simmons.

Afterwards, he gave me a neckrub as the jubilant teacher congratulated everyone on a record amount raised to build our schools parade float. After much loligagging, Sheena and Phoebe wandered our way.

"So, what shall we do now, Helga" asked Phoebe casually as if I weren't being tended to by the greatest guy in all of creation.

Before I could organise my thoughts to answer, Arnold said "Well, Helga and I were planning on dinner at six, would you two like to join us?"

My eyes shot open with the force needed to split an atom, but before I could attempt a spinjob, my two "friends" gleefully accepted.

They scampered off with the promise meeting us at chez Pataki at five thirty, as I turned around to face Arnold. Catching my expression, he said "What?"

All I can say is you're lucky I don't know how to raise the dead or I'd kill you. -  
Next time- Phoebe Heyerdahl vs. Trojan Man! 


	4. Something in the Oven

NIGHT DRIVE by King Cheetah

I can't beleive that none of these characters are mine, but thanks to Craig Bartlett for letting us play with them.

Rated T for adult situations and language. Lemme know whatcha think!

4 Something in the Oven

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As I applied the last touch of eyeliner, Phoebe and Sheena glided into my room, dressed to the nines, as per Arnold's instruction. Rather than the sort of clubware we all usually favored, we went for our nicest evening gowns, Phoebe in sleeveless basic black with matching gloves, and Sheena in powdwer blue. More impressively, Sheena's mile of hair was bound into a complex coiffure that was no doubt the hanywork of Phoebe's mom. Your's truly was red hot in my off the shoulder crimson gown and gloves, not that it mattered all that much. I didn't plan on being in it all that long this evening.

"Hello ladies..." I capped the eyeliner and began touching up my lipstick. "I'm in the market for some new best friends. Any candidates come to mind?"

Phoebe and Sheena feigned confusion.

"She's not making any sense! Sounds are coming out of her head, but they're not forming words"

"Perhaps it's a seisure of some sort. Does she have a history of stigmata or speaking in tongues?" asked Sheena, rubbing her chin.

"Yuck it up, japesters. I'm still pretty peeved." I said, giving them a sideways look.

"Now Helga," Phoebe soothed, "Arnold is our friend as well, and it WAS he who offered the invitation, without prompting from Sheena or myself. Besides, we'll excuse ourselves after dinner leaving you and Arnold the rest of the night to flaunt our states oppressive statutory rape laws."

Hmm... Well, I wouldn't have put it that way myself, but the sentiment was genuine.

"Okay, but I'll expect a boon from you two in exchange for the two hours of lost intimacy..." With a deft bit of sleight of hand I produced a twenty, seemingly from nowhere, and placed it in Phoebe's gloved hand. "Two boxes, ribbed. Take my car and meet us back here."

Phoebe looked confused for longer than I felt proper, when the little light went off in her head.

"ME!" she squeeked.

"Well of course 'you'. The pharmasysts all know ME, thanks to Miriam."

"Just a moment, Helga. It would be bad for your reputation, but it's okay for MINE?" she asked, hands on her hips.

"Well yeah, pretty much." I said thoughtfully.

"I gotta go with Helga on this, Phoebe. You have that whole poindexter thing goin..."Said Sheena thoughtfully.

With an expression akin to an Easter Island statue, Phoebe grabbed my car keys and stomped out.

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Arnold's suprise was dinner at Chez Paris, which brought back some memories and thankfully, no one on the waitstaff recognised Phoebe or myself. The meal was exquisite, as was the company. As good as their word, as dinner drew to a comfortable close, the girls made an excuse to leave, all be it a goofy one.

As Phoebe dabbed the last remnants of dessert from her lips, she turned and took Sheenas hands, interlacing their fingers. Clearing her throat, Phoebe said, "Helga, Arnold? We have a confession to make...we're lesbians.

"BIG TIME! I cried when 'ELLEN' went off the air." added Sheena

"And I'm vacationing on the Isle of Lesbos this summer..."

"So, no offense, but Phoebe and I need some time alone..."

"Quality time..." leered Phoebe.

"And remember Helga, if this 'Arnold Phase' you're going through doesn't pan out, well...you know where to come." Sheena feigned sympathy.

"Oh yeah, now that's what I'm talkin' bout!" cooed Phoebe

"Well, we gotta get a move on. There's a sale on Flannel shirts at SEARS..."

And with that, they hiked up their gowns and sprinted towards the entrance, making an exit that would have done Curely Howard proud.

Arnold turned to look at me, as if I could have possibly offered an explination. "We're,um...working on Phoebe's image...groan..."I stammered.

Fortunatly, the rest of the evening went EXACTLY as I wanted, and then some. Back in his room, I demonstrated my perfected sleight of hand by pulling a strip of condoms out of his ear.

Then, we made them all disappear.

I arose early on Sunday, and met Arnold and the girls for a picnic and walk in the country, then dinner and dancing. At 8:00 PM, we helped Arnold pack up for his return trip home, and despite promises of his speedy return the very next weekend, I'll be the first to admit that I drug my feet a little.

I don't like dwelling on the moment Arnold took off, but suffice to say Sheena had to drive us home. I allowed myself two hours to cry. As the clock struck 10:00 PM, I dried my last tear and prepared for tomorrow.

Helga G. Pataki was back in control.  
Monday morning, I awoke at 5:00 AM, as usual and began my daily routine.

Excersise, breakfast, school, homework. As I got back into the swing of things, I kept the sweet memory of Arnold fresh in my mind. I tore through all my homework and outside responsibilities, just to fill the time until the appointed hour. Brasing myself, I waited for 9:00PM, then fired up my laptop and got online. "You have an Instant Message from footballhead69.  
Do you wish to accept it?"

"Oh yeah!" I smiled.

footballhead69 (09:06 PM): Hey lover. Miss me.  
theonlypataki (09:06 PM): Like air. You?  
footballhead69 (09:07 PM): Counting the minutes

That became our routine. Nightly chats, weekly hand writen letters. He sent me flowers, I sent him gourmet coffee.

On the Friday evenings, he drove up the coast to my waiting arms. Our weekends became a chance for Arnold and I to touch base with some of our old friends, and attend more of Rhonda's parties (trust me, it wasn't all that hard to sync up). My world was heaven for three weeks, when I slowly began to become aware of something.

Carefully, I rechecked my figures, double-checked the calender, and did a physical count of feminine products. The reality of this hit me like a truck.

I hadn't had my period this month...

To Be Continued...

oooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo 


	5. Corvus

NIGHT DRIVE

Oh, how I wish these characters are mine, but they're not. Craig Bartlett's the lucky stiff.  
Rated R for adult situations and language. Lemme know whatcha think!

5 Corvus

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Nude, I stood before the full length mirror in my closet.

Once, this tiny space held the expression of my love for him; now, a tiny space within me holds his expression of his love for me. I can't stop stroking my belly. It's way too early, but I long for some sensation of our child within me. I try to imagine my breasts expanding, the smooth, round curve of my full belly, him standing behind me...

My first bout of morning sickness was every bit as bad as I'd imagined it would be. For several years now, I'd taken over half of the cooking duties in the Pataki household, and as such made sure we ate well. I was just beginning to savor the praise from Big Bob and Miriam over my eggs benedict, when I was hit with a sensation not unlike dry swallowing an ocelot.

Excusing myself with the casual quip of "Dear God, Help me!", I sprinted for the downstairs bathroom. I blew chunks like an Irish soccer hooligan, and not content to merely empty my stomach, I endured several dry heaves for good measure. I needed to get on top of this.

Dressing, I called Sheena's cell number.

Phoebe and Sheena were the greatest; genuine concern and consideration for my...OUR situation. All that evening after dinner, we debated, suggested, fought, cried, planned and schemed. Adoption was contenplated but rejected, and they knew me well enough to not even bother bringing up the specter of abortion. As 9:00 PM approached, I made the decision to tell Arnold. They exited, promising to call me.

My laptop up and running, I signed online...

"You have an Instant Message from footballhead69 Do you accept?"

I took a deep breath, and hit yes.

footballhead69 (9:01 PM) : Hey beautiful!  
theonlypataki (9:01 PM) : Hi

footballhead69 (9:01 PM) : How was your day?  
theonlypataki (9:03 PM) : fine

footballhead69 (9:03 PM) : are you sure? Everything ok?  
theonlypataki (9:08 PM) : I'm pregnant.

footballhead69 (9:10 PM) : are you sure?  
theonlypataki (9:10 PM) : yes

footballhead69 (9:11 PM) : are you okay?  
theonlypataki (9:12 PM) : I'm nervous, but ok.

footballhead69 (9:18 PM) : Have you seen a docter?  
theonlypataki (9:18 PM) : No, but I will tomorrow.

footballhead69 (9:23 PM) : I'm coming up there theonlypataki (9:23 PM) : NO, DON'T! Just come on Friday like always.

theonlypataki (9:34 PM) : Arnold, are you there?

theonlypataki (9:51 PM) : Arnold?

theonlypataki (10:09 PM) : Arnold?

sign off

He arrived at 11:00 PM, and looked like he'd been shot from a circus cannon. Big Bob, though suprised, didn't seem mind Arnold arriving a day earlier than he usually did, and I convinced him to let Arnold sleep in my room on the roll away cot. Putting on as casual an act as we could, I helped Arnold carry his bag up to my room.

As the door closed, he opened up with a barrage of questions like the USS IOWA. I motioned for him to be quiet. We made small talk as I set up the cot. After about an hour, when I was sure Bob and Miriam were down for the night, took Arnold's hand, and led him into my closet, where I hugged him furiously, then kissed him long and hard.

Finally, we sat on a stack of winter blankets and had a real talk.

"I'm going with you tomorrow." he said. I wouldn't have expected anything less from him.

Even in a crisis, he looked gorgeous.

Clearing his throat, he asked "Now,... what do you want to do? We're in this together, but the ball's in your court. Whatever you decide, I'm there."

You see why I love this guy?

Snuggling in close to him, I said "I'm keeping our baby, if that's what you mean." Appearantly, this was the correct answer, since he sprouted a grin so big, I thought his ears would pop off. He then cradled me in his arms, and looked as though he was starting to tear up. Placing my hands on his cheeks I said, "Hey now, none of that. I've done enough crying for both of us." This just made him hug me harder.

Finally, we agreed that we needed to get to sleep. I steered him away from the cot, and to my bed, though he seemed sceptical. Smiling, I slowly undressed for him, inviting him to help, then slipped on my nightshirt. Down to his boxers, he slipped under the covers with me. As he wrapped his body around mine the feeling of his heartbeat rang through me and the soft, easy rhythm of his breathing was the perfect lullabye...

To Be Continued...

oooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo

King Cheetah Extra

Beer, Bras, and Garage Bands 

Looking over the polls in this group, I was at first rather surprised by what I was seeing, but upon reflection I guess I shouldn't be. Just take a look around and you'll quickly see that the vast majority of HA! fics are of the characters as adults or teenagers. That said, if you're going to bug Nickelodeon about doing another HA! related show, this might be the tact to take. After Rugrats ran out of steam (and that's putting it mildly), Nick played the teen card, and all things considered, ALL GROWN UP isn't too bad.

So that said, how should teen versions of the HA! characters be handled in fanfic or a new show? Weeeeeellllllllllllll...

1) Telling tales outta school...

One of the big advantages of fanfic is that it TRULY allows you to use your imagination with the characters, where as a TV version of HA! All Grown Up would have to comply with the unending series of memos coming out of Network Standards and Practices. You'd either need to couch "controversial subjects" in odd, vague terms, or just not address them directly (i.e. Miriam Pataki's alcoholism).

As much fun as it is to have Arnold looking down Helga's shirt or Phoebe getting shit-faced drunk at Iggy's party in your fanfic, that sort of thing won't make it onto Nick (though one does marvel at the naughty jokes that DID make it into the regular series...). Drug usage, drinking, sex (or for that matter even just necking), teen pregnancy, or real violence are right out too. Like the regular series, you'll have to have romance, but even that'll be handled pretty gingerly.

2) "Quit staring at my boobs, Football Head!"

So then, what DO you do for stories? Remember, once you hit high school, it's all about connecting. Getting into clubs, being cool, mackin' on the chicks, sports, getting the right social connections, going to parties, counting the day til you get your license, stuff like that. Depending on how kind or cruel puberty has been with our cast, the stories will pretty much come from just the day to day adventure they'll have (much like the regular show).

If you think about it, HA! only has one major plot hook, that being Helga's crush on Arnold, other than that, it's just forth graders being forth graders. You could do the same sort of thing here, but with a twist or two. For example, I'm currently working on a little something along these lines, but the situation is reversed. Helga Pataki, like Olga before her is pretty, popular, and an academic dynamo, with Arnold spending most of his time trying to get her attention. While Helga likes Arnold (but not "Like likes"), she doesn't take him seriously. Each day is a new trick on his part to impress her (with some success).

Plenty of other variations on this are possible.

3) "Best friends forever... or until sophomore year..."

Sadly, many friendships DON'T last forever; it's just the nature of things. As you grow and change, you're interests and attitudes change too, oft influencing who you gravitate too in social situations, and the HA! cast will probably be no exception. Just a personal note, but I see several relationships in HA! that I think are doomed; Gerald/Phoebe, Rhonda/Nadine, Stinky and Sid/Harold, Sheena/Eugene. No biggie though.

Just because they don't hang together doesn't mean they're bitter enemies. I could see Gerald becoming more of a jock (like Jamie O), and hanging more with the other jocks. Rhonda will start her accession to social divadom, which one can see Nadine having little interest in, and with Eugene hanging out with all the... "like minded young gentlemen" of the theater art department, Sheena might look for other extra curricular activities to occupy her time.

For my own purposes, I like to shake things up a bit, but not to the point of devastation. Helga and her best friend Lila fight to get onto the school newspaper and/or yearbook committee, while Phoebe, Nadine, and Katrinka tear up the soccer field. Gerald works overtime to keep his grade point average up to stay on the school baseball team, while Arnold, Sid and Park desperately try to find a drummer for their garage band (eventually getting Sheena). Rhonda, two years from cheerleader tryouts, lays the groundwork by brown nosing upper classmen, as Stinky runs for Student council.

Trust me, it works.

So there you have it, a few random thought on HA! All Grown Up.

Anyone have any ideas along these line?

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	6. Couvade

NIGHT DRIVE by King Cheetah

Oh, how I wish these characters are mine, but they're not. Craig Bartlett's the lucky stiff.  
Rated T for adult situations and language. Lemme know whatcha think!

6 Couvade

ooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo

I'm not sure when I awoke. Spooned together, I was afraid to move and disturb Arnold. By the diffused light, I guessed it to be to be nine-ish. Arnold... His arm around me, his hand rested just in front of my face. I cauciously moved my own hand around to gently rest on his. Stirring, he rose up on one arm to look over at me. "Morning." he said as he kissed my cheek. Even his morning breath was nice. Drawing his arms back, he pressed his body against mine. Nice.

"How you feel?" I asked as I rolled over onto my back. 8:44 AM; I was close.

"I'm okay," he yawned "but we have a big day ahead. Know where to go?"

"Oh yeah, I've been through this before" He looked shocked.

Quickly I added, "Sheena; Phoebe and I went for support." Arnold nodded.

"Helga, I gave this some thought on the way up here... As I figure it, you won't start showing til way after graduation, so if we get married this summer... well, we should stand up okay to casual scrutiny." I smiled and stroked his cheek. "Gonna make an honest woman outta me, eh? Well, my grades are strong enough that I can afford to skip a year before college. I'll catch up to you quick enough." Arnold suddenly looked uncomfortable. "Helga, um... I think I'll need to get a job instead. What's your Dad's stand on nepotism?" He caught my look.

"Helga, a family's a big responsiblilty! I can wait for school, it's no big deal."

"It IS a big deal, bucko!" I said in a loud whisper. "Our child deserves the best, and that includes parent's that aren't working the drivethrough! We are BOTH not going to skip school!"

"Helga, I have to provide for us, NOW. I can't go to school full time AND earn enough to support the three of us! Where are we suppose to live! Your folks? My folks? I can tell you that'll get old quick."

"Fine, I'll take a job with Big Bob, and you can swing some parttime work. But, make no mistake, you are GOING to school! End of discussion!"

He looked pissed "Don't be ridiculous! Your grades are better than mine. If either of us should be in school, it should be you! I can get good work without a degree."

"Oh, like WHAT!" I snorted," Retail? Food Service? We're not just talking about a job, we're talking about your carreer!" He laid there in silence.

Slowly, he whispered, "Family before carreer. Our child deserves a decent childhood, including two fulltime parents." and he caught me with those eyes.

Why can't I stay angry with him. He leaned in to kiss my cheek, but I caught him on the lips. Smiling I said,"We'll make this work. Don't worry."

Sqeezing his arm, I said "Well, let's get this day going" We kicked off the covers and struggled to our feet. I was just stretching the kink's out when I noticed Arnold's puzzled look.

Following his gaze, I looked down at the dark stain on the front of my nightshirt. "No..." I heard him gasp.

I thought he was going to cry, but I beat him to it.

oooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo

As they say, 'Whom Gods Exhault, They First Give Really Bad Cramps'. Not only was my period back, but it was HEAVY. Arnold was an absolute prince during all of this. Getting cleaned up, he dropped me off at school to catch up on the few classes I'd missed and promised to be there afterwards when we got out.

One of the advantages of academic prowess is that most of the rules don't apply to you. Making apologies, I managed to gather all the assignments I'd missed that morning and caught up with Sheena and Phoebe at lunch.

"Hysterical Pregnancy." nodded Phoebe sagely,"Actually rather common. As a psychosomatic condition, you would be expected to manifest all the symptoms of pregnancy."

I nodded, considering this. What in the hell was going on in my head to cause this? "How's Arnold taking this?" asked Sheena.

My answer was causcious, "Good... good. He's okay. We both really wanted this... but I think he's happy the it's not a crisis." I watched Phoebe helped herself to my french fries.

"You know Helga, I think this is an enlightening look into your relationship. In a crisis situation you both behaved admirably. This speaks well of your future together." I smiled at the thought.

Thanks to fifth period study hall, I was able to catch up on all the days school work with a bit of time to spare. Get through Organic Chemistry next period, and my week was done. Ever reliable, Arnold was waiting for us in the parking lot, and setting my backpack on the hood of his Mustang, I threw my arms around his neck and gave him a toe-curling open mouth kiss. "Sorry Ma'am, but you'll still have to pay the full fare." he smiled.

Sheena and Phoebe looked on amused. Maintaining my grasp on Arnold I turned to them and said "Party at Rhonda's tonight, you up for it?" Their exaggerated expressions told the whole story. "A party at Rhonda's! Who saw that coming?" Sheena gasped. "I beleive this is her 'My Best Bowel Movement Ever' celebration. I suggest that we attend and get shitfaced!" said Phoebe with a disturbingly straight face.

Watches synchronized, we agreed to meet up at Phoebes place at 7:00 PM. Back at home, Arnold and I stretched out on my bed to try and catch up on needed rest. Sweet sleep came soon enough, and I awoke just as the clock flashed 6:00. Sthealthfully, I exitted the bed without disturbing him, and took a moment to enjoy his serene, untroubled face.

Heading downstairs, I found Big Bob in the kitchen trying to decipher the microwave.

"Oh hey Helga. Say, can you get this blasted thing goin'? I can't figure out how yer mother makes this thing defrost...ah!" He watched with rapt attention as I commanded the magic box to heat his Hot Pockets.

"Here y'go! Where's Miriam, anyway?" I asked, handing him his steaming plate.

"Eh, that charity thing you got her going on. What about the needs of this cities business leaders? What about us?" he growled.

As he settled into his chair in the trophey room, I massaged his shoulders and cooed "Aw, I know what you need. How about some home cooking tomorrow night for the two men in my life?"

He raised an eyebrow, "Wha- Oh, you mean Arnold too. Alright, what's it gonna cost me?" I rested my head on his, "twenty bucks, but I'll cover the wine." Handing me his wallet he asked, "Hold on a sec missy, what're you making?" Returning the lightened billfold, I said "Goulash, extra chunky. Just the way you like it." and his face brightened.

"Yeah, you got yourself quite a catch with that Arnold. Good head on his shoulders. He stopped by the store while you were in school..." he finished his Hot Pocket, "Yeah, had a nice long talk, even helped unload one of the trucks. That boy's got 'success' written all over him."

I tried my best to keep my pokerface.

What the hell was THIS all about?

To Be Continued

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End file.
